


A Bit Of A Hardass

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Angst, Dave also becomes a dad to Sol but through love, Domestic Themes, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Humanstuck, Hurt and comfort, Karkat is a single dad and Sollux is his son, Lots of things centered around Karkat being a single dad, M/M, Parents & Children, Reunions, Single Parents, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:07:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23942053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: You thought you'd never see him again, that he ran off across country to pursuit his needs. But here he is, standing in front of you, as grumpy as you remembered him.And oh. He even has a kid.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 17
Kudos: 85





	1. Chapter 1

When you met him, you don't actually _meet_ him. You just see a little kid scuttling his way across the boardwalk, head thrust into some sort of handheld device and stuffed animal gripped tightly in his grubby little palms. He had to be seven, eight at the latest- and being the shitty underpaid worker that you are, you moved away from your little sanctuary of Dippin' Dots and plastic spoons to make sure the kid was alright. Yeah, you've seen kids run around this boardwalk carnival all the time, but this one screamed the aura of lost child more than those fuckers in Peter Pan. Little did you know talking to this kid would unleash an avalanche of awkwardness.

"Hey." You speak up, and the other's head snaps towards you, eyes wide as saucers. He's got his little fingers around that GameBoy Advance with an ironclad grip, glasses slightly askew, and he looks like he's about to bolt when you speak again. "Hey, hey, I'm not gonna hurt you." A pause. You're awful with children, despite your job. Fucking awful. "What's your name?"

Two different colored pupils flick this way and that, and he clutches his stuffed animal tighter. It's one of those fat soft Pikachu stuffed animals you've seen around, and is about as worn down as you'd expect. He's holding onto it as if it's a lifeboat. "What'sth _your_ name?"

He gives you a look of suspicion, lisping heavily, his nose slightly pressed against the head of that Pikachu. "I'm Dave." You say, because what the fuck else would you say to a lost seven year old in the middle of a massive fucking amusement park. "It's on my tag, see?" You point, and he peers and peers. You think he's going to break his eyeballs with how much he stares, but before you can tell him to calm down just a tiny bit his face hardens; nose scrunching and teeth biting his lower lip.

"I'm Sthollux."

Your own eyes flick back to your station, bright colors and all. "Say," your thumb shoots back to the pastel colored Dippin' Dots logo, and you know you at least have his attention for more than five minutes as he perks up immediately. "I'll get you one of those things if you stay by me, yeah?" 

Sollux considers. Would it be okay to talk to strangers? Strangers offering ice cream? "Uhm." He holds his Pikachu tighter to himself, and doesn't quite meet your eyes when he nods. "Okay." 

Okay. Alright. This was good. We're getting here somewhere.

You hear the blasting trumpets of Pokemon Emerald on his handheld as you fill the foam bowl with ice cream pellets. He _insisted_ on "cookieth and cream", and who were you to deny that sweet fucking delicious crunch of Oreo crumbs? You were no one, because no one would deny that to this small child. One shy thank you later and you're pulling out a shitty old rotary dial to contact front desk when you hear a particular shout amongst the chaos of bubbly pop music, screaming children and bickering middle aged couples.

_"Sollux!"_

Okay. That sounded very fucking familiar. You lift yourself upwards a bit too fast for you to handle, and as you stumble and shake away the slight glare of nausea, you spot someone approaching. Fast. He's got scruffy black hair and nearly piercing brown-red eyes, with some t-shirt that's advertising some metal band you don't quite recognize. His jeans are ripped around the knees, and he looks like an overgrown teenager as he skids to a halt in front of you, panting. 

You know exactly who this is.

He doesn't. Or he's just too preoccupied to notice- he's scooping up Sollux in his arms, giving him a near painful bear hug while the young child squeals. "Oh my god, you-" He huffs, a snort coming out of his nose, eyebrows creased. "-I thought you had gotten _kidnapped!_ Don't you ever run off again, do you hear me-" Eyes flick towards you, and you almost feel the world come to a halt. You hate being stared at, and this is no exception.

"Dave?" The man lets Sollux go, who instantly grasps onto his leg, hiding behind it. Little plastic Pikachu eyes are staring up at you in judgement. All you can do is shrug under all the weight. "Uh. Hey, Karkat."

It was safe to say you hadn't seen him in a long while. Not since highschool, you were certain. As far as you were concerned he had fucked off cross country to go to college, and you stayed right here in Texas, keeping to yourself aside from a couple good friends here or there. That, and getting a dead end summer job at the local amusement boardwalk thing. What the fuck even was it? The seagulls screech in similar confusion as you fight for something to say. "So. You lost your brother, huh?"

 _"He'sth my Dad."_ Sollux mumbles, face burying the back of Karkat's knee. Your eyebrows shoot upwards. Okay, so the cranky asshole managed to get laid. Very nice. This kid must've fucking strangled his genes, though, as he looks nothing like him- Sollux is scrawny and small and pale, with nervous heterochromia and a bright pink glow to his cheeks. Karkat is different enough to be his exact opposite; dark brown skin, striking eyes, tall and strong enough to look like a brick fucking wall. He really grew out of his chubby teenage years, didn't he? There wasn't even a scrap of acne on his face anymore. You still have a few here or there. He might dress like a teenager, but he looks like some fucking chiseled CEO. 

How the fuck did he get the right to look like this?

Karkat nods, and takes one of Sollux's small hands in his. "Yeah, this little ff-" Karkat stops himself, lips thinning into a straight line, before he corrects himself. "This little bugger ran off without even telling me. And it looks like he was bothering an employee, too." Sollux nods, shrinking against Karkat. "What do we say to Dave?"

"Sthorry." 

You feel sorry for the kid. You know how intimidating Karkat can be, and that was when he was a chubby little scrap of ass back in school. "Aw, nah, he wasn't any biggie." You say, waving your hand for emphasis. "He wasn't like some, y'know, little brat running around demanding for stuff like ninety percent of the kids here. He's got the manners to last a lifetime. That's more than I can say for Mr. Vantas over here." Sollux giggles, a little impish laugh, and even though Karkat huffs you know he's giving you a grateful look under that fake irritation. You can just _tell._ That's the Strider Sense for ya.

"Hey, bud." Karkat leans down, gently nudging for Sollux to hand his items over. "Why don't you go on that carousel over there while me and my friend talk, okay?" The young child bites his lip, and he clutches his items tightly. "Uhhm.." A soft whistle goes through the gap in his teeth. "Will you keep them sthafe?"

"Have they been broken every other time you gave them to me?"

"No..." Sollux thinks, eyebrows creasing, before he hands them over to Karkat. You try to keep a soft snicker to yourself when the young boy wraps Karkat up in a massive hug. At least, massive for him. It looks like he's trying to hug a wall. "Alright Sol, get on the biggest, fastest horse for me, yeah?"

"I will!" Sollux tears away from the larger man, running across the boardwalk to the massive, bright carousel. You've never seen Karkat like this- a soft smile, holding the GameBoy and plush with delicate care, softly sighing through his nose. You were used to a Karkat that had never shown that once, even when he was going through tough shit. The moment Karkat turned towards you, that old Karkat seemed to return. 

"You have a lot to explain." He speaks gruffly, and his eyes flick to the menu on your kiosk. "And get me a large strawberry."


	2. Chapter 2

There's a small moment where the two of you stare at one another, and you thank the shield your sunglasses give you. You distract yourself from intimidating caramel colored pupils, long fingers popping open the lid to the cooler of the kiosk. A wisp of cool air washes over you, and you finally speak in a vain attempt to crack at the massive layers of awkwardness. Silence wasn't your forte. "It's really hotter than Hell out here, huh?" You pluck a paper bowl from its brethren, taking your scooper to pull out strawberry ice cream. 

You can't help but crack a smirk when the other responds. "I'm sweating up a fucking storm. I'm afraid I smell like a disgusting concoction of Bigfoot's ass juice and the festering maggot swarm I'd find in a dumpster." He slams a fiver down on the small counter, and you not so graciously slide the bowl of Dots over as you take the cash. He's certainly still retained his colorful language, so there was at least  _ something  _ you can remember. You feel like some old lady, reminiscing on the days of old, even though you were a young man in your mid twenties getting the change for a five.

"Hey, at least you don't smell like both of them at once." You say. Karkat gives you a deep scowl, and you smirk wider. Once you pass the change over to Karkat, you move to close the lid, slipping your sweaty cap from your hair and plopping it down on the counter. "Go sit your fine ass on that bench over there, Vantas. I got a thirty minute break, and we're gonna talk out our shit like an old married couple. Fucking looking out over the sunset on the porch type shit." Perhaps you were being less cool and suave, and instead more dorkish as you slide out from behind the Dippin' Dots station in your shitty working uniform, but you don't care in the slightest. Finding Karkat was something you'd never imagine- and hell, you really liked the dude. 

Karkat's eyes roll enough to rival his son's aggressive stare. Pressing that Pikachu under his armpit, he plops himself down on the nearest bench, and you soon follow him. "You're just as over idiotic as ever, Dave." He's towering over you, even while sitting- you feel like you're being eclipsed. "That's my job, yo. Who else is going to take up the title of Overenthusiastic Entitled Idiot."

Your shades slip down your nose, and you quickly push it back up with your index finger. You have one leg looping over another, hanging foot tapping in the air, your fingers pressing between the slabs of wood that make up the bench. You have the fleeting thought of bees accumulating under the worn out planks, and you slip your hands back and place them in your lap. Ticks. That's what they were- and while they were always present, they only became rampant when you were stressed. You don't know  _ why  _ you'd be stressed, however- did you think Karkat was going to bash you into the ground for looking at him funny? Pshh, no, absolutely not. He wouldn't hurt a fly. He was more likely to sit his fat ass and crush something to death than intentionally harm it. God, Christ, he has a nice ass.

_ What the fuck, Dave. _

Something snaps in front of your eyes, and you blink, your thoughts disappearing with the distant sound of the ocean. "Did you even hear me?" Karkat's speaking, voice rough and irritated. "God, you're even more brainless nowadays. What did you do, turn your last remaining droplets of intelligence into piss or something?" 

You keep a straight face. "Aw shit, sorry about that- my pee brain thoughts were sloshing up in my frontal lobe." Either he doesn't respond in pure unadulterated rage, or he's just so used to your jabs that he doesn't bat an eye. Either way, it gives you a moment to continue. "Anyway, how're you? Did you finally cave in and get a girlfriend?"

"As if." He huffs, and shoves a spoonful of frozen dairy into his mouth. "I don't have enough time to for that. What, did you think I ran around knocking up girls for fun once I fucked off?" He groans at your incredulous look. "No, you dimwit. I went to college. I got a job. Karkat's got his rump firmly pressed on the nose of life in this impulsively made sex allegory." The man sniffs. "Plus, you don't look like you have that much to compare."

"What's a guy gonna do during these pissingly sweltering times? Sigh." You sigh along with your actual saying of the word, clutching your chest with your fingers in an ironic dramatic manner. "I'm sorry Karkat, my ass is not yet ready to accept the nose of life. I'm simply swarmed with too many bitches. They flock to me like flies on paper. Damn. Got my hands deep in that--"

" _ God.  _ Please don't pour your shitty excuse for a rap onto my ears. Your bars are not even sturdy enough for a children's table." You smirk, click through your teeth, and he rolls his eyes heavily. "For the record," You say. "this is just a summer job. Gotta keep them bills paid somehow. What do you even do, anyway?" 

"I'm a nurse." If you had any form of liquid in your hand, you would promptly take a drink and spit it out. You don't, so you feign the action with expert charades experience and a loud raspberry. "Oh, come  _ on,  _ Strider!" Karkat speaks above your teasing snickers, and you swear you can see his cheeks darken with a flush. "Stop acting like a fucking child for once in your life!"

You adjust your shades. The sound of the carousel is heard. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," You're having trouble shifting your smile back into a straight line. Leaning slightly over yourself, you force yourself into an impassive expression, before teetering back into a proper sitting position. You never thought, in all your years of life, that he'd become a  _ nurse.  _ A nurse! Good ol' Karkat, dressed in tacky scrubs and giving people shots and shit. "do you like, I dunno, hand lollipops out to kiddies? Did some drug addict throw up all down your back?"

Eyes cast downwards. You see his fingers twitching, playing with one another, his bowl of ice cream set aside as his flush gradually shifts. "If I had the choice, I'd gladly strap you down to a hospital bed and give you a shot right up your dick hole. No, the testicles. You get the special privilege of being the ball shot guy, Dave. how does that feel?" 

"Great, actually. I can almost imagine your face staring above me like I'm looking up at God. My life will flash before my eyes, and the last thing I'll see before my balls are stabbed is you. It's romantic, really." 

"You are literally the biggest hardass I've ever met, Dave--"

Karkat's eyes suddenly snap to the side, and he turns his head. There's a distinct sound of footsteps approaching, little feet plunking against the boardwalk, and he gives you the dirtiest death glare you've ever seen. You get the message: _if you say one fucking stupid thing i'm going to castrate you, and then castrate what's left, and continue until there's nothing._ You keep your lips sealed.

Sollux scuttles up to the bench, eyes as wide as saucers and glasses partway down his nose. Without even a proper warning, he shoves himself into Karkat's laps, pulling the Pikachu stuffy close to his chest. You knew that if anyone else tried to do that, Karkat would throw an entire fucking buffet of shit. Just shit _everywhere._ No need for a fucking fan or anything. "Dad," Even though he's addressing the other, his eyes continue to stare directly at you. You would be creeped out if not for the fact that you've dealt with a lot of stares today. "I got on the biggesttht horsthe, and, and- well, it wasth red and blue, that wasth the harnessth color. And when I got off I heard sthome other kidsth talking about another ride. It wasth a train or sthomething, and-" The young child sucks in a huge breath. "-can I go on it? Now? You're done talking with your friend."

It's cute, in a way. Seeing how Karkat's aggressive features immediately melt into something more calm and gentle. It's like you're watching some momma cat and a bunch of her kittens, except the momma cat was a momma bear and the kittens were one scrawny little cub. "Slow down there, buddy." Karkat adjusts Sollux's glasses for him, causing the boy to squeak in slight protest. "Remember, we need to stop run on sentences, right?" 

"Yeah, but- but thisth isthn't _sthcool_ right now Dad, it'sth the carnival and I really wanna have a good time stho-" Another huge intake of breath. "-stho Tavrosth and Nepeta can be jealousth." 

"If you don't practice outside of school, you won't improve." Letting Sollux slide from his lap, Karkat moves to stand. Okay, yeah- you're absolutely eclipsed. Digging his hand into his pocket, he pulls out a phone. "You got your phone on you, Strider?"

You do a double take. The thumping of your foot gets rapid. "Aw, hell yeah. We're exchanging numbers? This is like, phase two man-"

Karkat barks. "Just give me your damn number."

You exchange phone numbers, Sollux continuing to eye you from behind his father's leg. "There." Slipping his phone into his pocket, Karkat looks down at the young boy. "What do we say to people who are nice to us?"

"Thank you!" Sollux grins, teeth artificially straight due to metallic braces. "For the, uhm, ice cream."

"Alright, let's go check out this train."

It's safe to say that you're sad to see them go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the cat's out of the bag-- im kind of a very shitty dave writer. i apologize if he's extremely ooc! i'm not as natural with him as i am for karkat and sollux ;w;


	3. Be Karkat.

**Be Karkat.**

* * *

You are now Karkat Vantas. Though you're completely unaware of the sudden POV change, you're still aware of everything else- scents and sights of everything around you, like the smell of sea spray, the call of seagulls and dogs alike, and the creak of the boardwalk under your shoes. You're aware that it's an obnoxiously hot Saturday afternoon, approximately around three nineteen, and you're aware that you're in Rockport, Texas. You're standing in an awkward group of nobody parents, watching your son play with other children on bumper cars.

You would be lying if you said you enjoyed this. Sure, you're happy- happy for Sollux, seeing as the young boy is having the time of his life. You're happy that you get to spend quality time with the kid. But you aren't happy at your rampant boredom, you aren't happy at the pretentious bastard parents that swarm this dock, and you're certainly not happy at the stupid fucking words they like to throw at you _and_ your kid. 

Of course you had to be black, gay, and live in the middle of goddamn Texas. You feel like you've been chosen to live in this area just for the sole reason of some higher power shitting on you directly. Thanks, God! Thanks for the heaping platter of fuck you with a side of fries.

Sollux's glasses go askew as he bumps into one of the other kids. His hair is a mess from his energetic behavior, and he's buckled his stuffed animal into the car next to him. You wave and smile when he looks at you. You're not going to spread your bad attitude towards him. He doesn't deserve it- fuck, you tell yourself. He doesn't deserve _anything_ like that.

When he clamors out of the little car and carefully unbuckles the seatbelt around the plush, you slink around the corner, waiting for him to breach the gate. As always, he waits far behind the other kids, only moving forward when no one else is in the small bumper car area. "I wore my stheatbelt real hard," He tells the teenaged worker. "and I buckled up Pikachu too." 

"Really?" You give the worker kudos, she's feigning interest real fucking hard. 

"Yeah! I don't want him to get hurt."

He carefully presses through the exit, before speeding to a full blown sprint as he runs up to meet you. "Did you like the bumper cars?" You ask him, because you're a good fucking father, and you're going to feign interest as hard as that teen, even harder. He takes your hand in his, and walks forward, leading you away from the dinky little set. "Mhm! It'sth like a video game, except in real life. But alstho dangerousth, that'sth why I put my belt on. That'sth very important." Though he's nearly running ahead, you notice his little shoulders drooping as he happily explains himself. 

"Mmm." You nod along. "I think it's time to head out, bud. We've been here all morning." 

He stops, turning to face you. His nose is scrunched in a way that's upset, and his fingers are clutching aggressively to his stuffed animal. "Really?" 

You feel sorry for him, more sorry for anyone in your entire life. It's so rare that Sollux even has the courage to leave your side, let alone run around as much as he has today. Maybe it was the weeks long hype that made him so ecstatic to go. You have a feeling he's isn't going to be nearly as open for a long while. Spurred by your empathy, you bend down with a volley of cracks and pops in your spine, getting on one knee. Jesus, your posture was shit. Maybe you should start standing normally for Sollux's sake. "Really really."

He whines in the back of his throat, nuzzling the Pikachu with his cheek, and you sigh through your nose. "I promise we'll do something fun next week. Do you wanna see a movie?"

Thankfully, Sollux has always been easy to convince. "Two moviesth?" 

"Two movies."

Though he still looks upset, he smiles, and he lets you lift him up under the armpits. One arm slips under his rump, the other around his back, and you're making your way out and away from the boardwalk. Sollux waves and says goodbye to the people at the front desk, showing off the child's band they put on his skinny wrist, and his voice turns to you as he speaks about buttery popcorn and getting those big comfy seats that vibrate when the movie wants it to. You don't know if you can scrounge up enough change to purchase them, but you let your son know you'll get a comfy seat just for him.

 _"Stheatbelt."_ He speaks, voice going startlingly on edge as you reach your busted old car. It's dark grey, not quite black, and has an entirely different colored front hood- bright, bright red. Your car has certainly seen better days, and it's nothing more than a Frankenstein junkyard beast now thanks to Zahhak. The back door pops open with a light tug, and Sollux repeats himself. "Stheatbelt, Dad. Stheatbelt." 

Are seven year olds too old for car seats? You have no fucking idea. But you still let Sollux scramble into his own, lifting his Pikachu high above his head so you can buckle him in. You make sure to tug on the straps once they're tight, just to make sure he's pacified. "Did you have fun?" Your fingers are working at clicking straps together. Sollux nods enthusiastically. 

"Hey, don't nod so fast, you'll get a headache."

"Tavrosth and Nepeta and everyone are gonna be stho jealousth!" You hand him his Game Boy, and as his attention is brought to his handheld, there's a buzz in your pocket. You grunt. Who the fuck could it be _now?_ Your brother is too busy being a shitty pretentious professor to ever care, so it couldn't be him. Maybe it was Equius asking about Nepeta's toys; she did leave them at your house, after all. But he's at his auto business at this point. Maybe it was Gamzee...?

Oh God, you hope it isn't him. You inwardly groan at the thought.

When you open up your phone, you outwardly groan.

_DAVE: yo what up_

_DAVE: hey_

_DAVE: hey_

_DAVE: hey_

_DAVE: cmon man dont leave me hanging i just wanted to talk n shit  
_

_DAVE: heart to heart conversation, buddies chatting it up in this bitch_

_DAVE: its a buddy comedy karkat and youre part of it_

"Who'sth that?" Sollux asks, curious, and you shove your phone in your pocket. Your son is giving you an odd stare when you step into the driver's seat. 

"It was no one, buddy. Don't worry about it."

* * *

You get some McDonald's on the way home, because you're too tired to actually make anything, be it a full meal or Kraft mac n cheese (Well, that was a shitty analogy, Sollux despised the texture of mac n cheese and he vehemently refused to eat it). As he runs into his room to grab VHS's to watch, you plop down on the couch, Cherry Coke in one hand and phone in the other. Already Dave has spammed you with enough messages to rival the incoming tsunami in fucking Godzilla. Your scowl hardens. 

_KARKAT: BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING, YES, I'M TYPING IN ALL CAPS. NO, I WILL NOT TELL YOU WHY. I'M A FUCKING NURSE, NOT AN ENGLISH MAJOR._

He responds with vicious speed.

_DAVE: holy hell_

_DAVE: dude i thought you were dead_

_DAVE: dead in the ground_

_DAVE: sonic underground_

_DAVE: but its six feet underground instead_

_DAVE: sonic underground has a wicked fucking theme song did you know that_

_KARKAT: WHY IN THE EVER LOVING FUCK ARE YOU SPAMMING ME OVER A SONIC CARTOON? REALLY, TELL ME. I'M HIGHLY FUCKING FASCINATED. INTERESTED TO AN UNBELIEVABLE DEGREE. I'M VIBRATING IN ANTICIPATION FOR WHAT'S ABOUT TO COME TO ME._

_DAVE: bro chill, dont make fun of a masterpiece of a cartoon_

_DAVE: thats like, illegal in the dave strider industry_

_KARKAT: GOOD. I'M HAPPY TO BE A CRIMINAL._

_DAVE: aw man_

_DAVE: dude like_

_DAVE: what are you doing_

Sollux has set his chicken nuggets and fries on a paper plate, sitting on the floor in front of you. He's separating the fried outer shell from the meat in the nugget, carefully making sure no speck of meat lays on said shell. On the old blocky television, the Pokemon theme song begins to play. You wonder what episode he's going to play tonight. When you glance back at your texts, there's a volley of new messages.

_DAVE: not that im asking in a weird way you know_

_DAVE: just in a "hey whats my friend doing tonight" kind of way_

_DAVE: like you know_

_DAVE: not in a gay way_

_DAVE: dude are you silent because youre that upset i asked that_

_DAVE: dude_

_KARKAT: HOLD THE FUCK ON, YOU IMPATIENT BASTARD. I'M NOT GLUING MY RETINAS TO THE SCREEN, WAITING FOR THE FLEETING MOMENT WHEN STRIDER-SENPAI FINALLY RESPONDS._

_KARKAT: WHY DO YOU EVEN WANT TO KNOW, ANYWAY? DON'T YOU HAVE SHIT TO DO?_

_KARKAT: PLUS, I'M GAY. I LITERALLY DO NOT GIVE A SINGLE SHIT._

_DAVE: bruh_

_DAVE: i just wanted to see if we could like_

_DAVE: you know_

_KARKAT: I DON'T, DAVE. I REALLY DON'T. I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO GET AT HERE._

_DAVE: damn_

_DAVE: look man do you want to have a school reunion but just for the both of us_

_KARKAT: ..._

_DAVE: what_

_DAVE: what the fuck did i do_

_DAVE: do you just want to hang out or not_

He's such. A fucking. Idiot. You facepalm so hard Sollux turns to look at you, munching on skinned chicken nuggets. There's a tiny bit of grease accumulating around his lips. You'll have to remind him to wipe it away. 

_KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT? SURE._

_KARKAT: I'LL GO THROUGH THE EFFORT OF DRAGGING MY TWITCHING, ROTTING CORPSE THROUGH THE MUD JUST FOR THE EXPERIENCE OF HANGING OUT WITH DAVE STRIDER._

_KARKAT: I'LL EVEN SUBJECT MYSELF TO YOUR OBNOXIOUS RAMBLINGS FOR MORE THAN HALF A SECOND._

_DAVE: sweet_

_DAVE: so_

_DAVE: what do you wanna do_

You consider. "Sollux?" Your son's little head turns towards you, sipping on his Oreo flurry. "Would you like Dave to come to the movies with us?"

He looks uncertain, and he hugs himself with his little arms. "...Can you sthit in the middle?"

"Of course, hon."

Sollux slowly nods. "Okay. He can come.

_KARKAT: WHAT ABOUT THE MOVIES._

_KARKAT: WE'RE GOING TO SEE DETECTIVE PIKACHU AND THAT SONIC MOVIE COMING OUT. IT'S RIGHT UP YOUR ALLEY._

_DAVE: oh hell yeah dude sweeeeeeeeeet thisll be so cool_

_DAVE: phase two dude_

_DAVE: phase two_

_KARKAT: WHATEVER. I'LL PROVIDE THE FOOD._

_DAVE: hell yeah_

_DAVE: dont you worry your pretty little head princess i got everythong else_

_DAVE: thing*_

_DAVE: haha i just wrote thong_

_KARKAT: YOU HAVE THE HUMOR LEVEL OF A THREE YEAR OLD. I SWEAR IF YOU LAUGH AT A FART JOKE DURING THE MOVIE'S I'LL STRANGLE YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS._

_DAVE: no guarantees man a good fart joke is a good fart joke_

_DAVE: do you want any specifics_

_KARKAT: WHAT?_

_DAVE: where the fuck do you want to go_

You cross one leg over the other. The sound of a Pokemon battle is heard through the television, along with Sollux's words as he repeats what the characters say in the show. Perhaps you can have a little fun with this.

_KARKAT: THE TINY PLACE NEAR THE BACK END OF TOWN._

_KARKAT: GET THOSE CUSHIONED SEATS THAT DO THE 4D BULLSHIT OR WHATEVER._

_DAVE: damn no wonder youre a princess_

_DAVE: you got it_

_DAVE: see you.._

_KARKAT: THURSDAY._

_DAVE: thursday_


	4. Karkat: Disregard The Implications And Have A Thoughtful Day With Your Son (And Dave)

You're lying in your bed. Blankets and pillows an absolute fucking mess around you, you do nothing more than drift in and out and sleep. You can vaguely see cracks of sunlight between the blackout curtains and windows, but you don't really care. You're in that sort of awake and not awake blissfulness that rocks you to your core. 

And then the door is ripped open.

Sunlight bursts into your room, and you groan, attempting to slowly ease out of your grogginess. But even that is halted, once your son comes barreling onto the bed, crawling on top of you in a tiny little chokehold. You're not even being choked- he's just got his arms wrapped around your neck, his breath puffing against your cheek. "Dad! Dad dad dad dad-"

You scoop him closer, grumbling quietly. You distantly acknowledge that he's probably being manic right now. "Hold on, hold on..." With one arm wrapped around Sollux's back, you yawn, stretching out your non occupied limbs, blankets shifting around you. Sometimes you wonder how you're even able to keep up with the squirt; this is one of these moments. "'M getting up. Geez you're excited..."

Sollux wriggles from your grasp. He's still dressed in his soft yellow pajamas, bees decorating the fabric. One of the buttons on his shirt is undone, though, and one of his socks are missing. "Of coursthe I am!" He chirps, sliding from the bed and onto the ground. He bounces at the edge of the mattress, staring at you with differently colored eyes as you shift yourself up into a sitting position. You rub at your eyes with an arm. Thankfully you're wearing more than boxers, which is what you'd normally sleep in- you've got some shirt Kanaya made you, as well as some thin silken pajama pants to top it all off. 

Once your bare feet touch the hardwood floor, Sollux speaks once again. "Do you know what day it isth?"

"Hmm?"

"It'sth Thursthday!"

Your eyes snap open.

Perhaps the blood of an Olympic pole vaulter enters your veins right then, because you spring out of bed with a new source of vigor. Unlike Sollux's excitement, however, the sudden burst of adrenaline is in dread. Immense, immeasurable dread. You had completely fucking _forgotten,_ you were such a fucking dumbass- you quickly usher yourself into the bathroom to tend to your nasty bedhead. "Sollux." You call, and soon enough the sound of little footsteps are heard, before his head pops into the doorway. "Start your shower right now, okay? No morning cartoons."

He pouts, clearly upset, but the prospect of the movies makes it soon dissipate. Whistling between the gap in his teeth, Sollux clamors into the bathroom, and turns on the faucet in the tub. Just like normal routine, you make sure the water isn't scalding, and turn on the shower head for him. You cover your eyes as he undresses, per his wishes.

You check your phone while you wait for the shower to be open. Dave's already sent you a few messages, simply asking when he should come over. You do your part and respond with five. The movie's starting at six, so that should give enough time for the three of them to get there. There's some other texts too- an actual inquiry from Equius regarding Nepeta's toys, your coworker Meulin wishing you a nice day off, and some nonsense from Gamzee you don't even bother looking at. It's way too early for this shit.

You catch Sollux before he can run soaked from the bathroom. He squeals, falling into a chorus of falsetto giggles as you run a towel over his hair, intentionally making a huge mess of it. When you pull the towel away, his hair is a frizzled mess. "Go get dressed, you dork."

Your shower is quick, and hot. You've always preferred showers like these- ones that make your back crawl with that slight burn, nearly melting away all of the stress you've gathered after so long. 

You're pretty stretched thin, if that was any indication.

Once you're done boiling your skin alive, you step out of the shower, wiping your face free of any stray droplets. You catch yourself in the tiny bathroom mirror- eyes still groggy and sleepy, eye boogers stuck to them. You swear you can see the beginning of crow's feet at the edges of them, and you wipe away the eye boogers to get rid of any sudden fear. Thankfully, there's no sign of anything else out of the ordinary. Goddamnit, you're _twenty four_ , and you're already worried about this kind of shit? You aggressively brush your teeth until they're sparkling white. Maybe brush a bit too aggressively.

You fit yourself into your Oingo Boingo shirt. It's your favorite, aside from the many teasing crab centered shirts Kanaya has gotten for you. You don't know why people make fun of you for liking the band- they wouldn't no what good fucking music was until it hit them in the nutsack. Or at least, that's what you tell yourself. The piercing eyes of the cat on your shirt stare at you while you yank on boxers and a pair of tight fitting jeans. After a very quick brush with a comb, you're out of your room, and knocking on Sollux's door.

"I don't know what shirt to put on, Dad!"

"Do you want me to come in and help you?"

There's a long, long pause.

"Yesth."

Sollux's room is... a mess, to put it frankly, but fitting for someone his age. Toys and stuffed animals litter the floor, his small black dresser open and overflowing with non folded clothes. There's a volley of posters in varying states of decay on his walls- one of them is a list of every single Pokemon up until generation four, another is an advertisement for Mario Kart Wii, there's one on its last legs that displays the album cover for Gorillaz's Demon Days (a gift from yourself, you care to add)- and atop his overflowing dresser is a small flat screen. Upon a shelf across the room is a different assortment of video game consoles. Sollux is sitting on his bed, bare-chested, looking confused as he holds two shirts in his small hands.

Stepping over action figures and game boxes, you sit next to him; a massive wall compared to a small speck. The bed creaks as you sit, as it's an old thing that's seconds away from breaking. Sollux absently leans against you, eyes narrowed and tongue poking out from his lips. "I don't know if I wanna wear my Pokemon shirt or Sthonic shirt."

You look at them. The Pokemon shirt is one he picked out for himself: a shirt displaying all of the starters (at least, you think that's what they're called, you're not really an expert on the matter.). The Sonic one is a hand-me-down from someone you don't care to talk about. It's way too big for Sollux, faded in its art, with some advertisement for one of the Sonic games on it. The one with Metal Sonic in it, you'd reckon, as he's the star of the art piece. You speak in all of your clueless fatherly wisdom. "Well, what are you more excited to see?"

"Uhm." He bites his lip. His hair is still a frizzled mess from before, and you run your fingers through the black locks in a vain attempt to straighten it out. "Both!"

Well, that's a bust. Good fucking job being a Dad, Karkat. "What stuffy are you bringing to the movies?"

Sollux perks, and your small fleeting moment of self loathing is completely annihilated. Destroyed. Fucking obliterated. He's even showing his braces too. Damnit.

"I wasth gonna bring two!" He pushes himself from his bed, running over to his box of stuffed animals. He has two boxes- one for hard plastic toys, one for stuffed animals. It isn't long until he's pulling out two plushes, his face halfway obscured. One of them was a Charizard (thank fucking God, you at least know that Pokemon well enough), and the other is a busted old Sonic. "If I'm gonna sthee both I want two bring two." Sollux states matter of factly. He scrambles back on his bed.

"Well..." You think to yourself, bullshitting up a reason as fast as possible. "We're gonna see Sonic first, so you should wear your Sonic shirt. You want the workers to know you're very excited, yeah?"

His face breaks into a wide grin. Bingo. "Yeah! That'sth a really good idea! I'm gonna do that." 

You pat his back, and leave him to wrestle himself into his shirt.

The kitchen is clean, thank God, and you shift into instinctive routine mode as you open the fridge. Two bowls, spoons, and Honey Nut Cheerios later, and you have a pretty fucking sweet looking setup. If two bowls of cereal could count as a setup. You fill Sollux's favorite Pikachu glass with juice, and wait for him to inevitably come running into the kitchen.

You're spooning Cheerios into your mouth when he approaches, holding onto his Charizard with a protective grip. When he climbs up into his seat, he sighs, poking at his food with his spoon. He's not quite meeting your eye, and while you're used to that, you know he's got something on his mind. It's the crease in his eyebrows and the puff in his breath. "What's the matter, Sollux?" Your spoon clinks as it rests against your bowl.

A small shrug. "Why are you bringing Dave along?"

Something clenches within the basin of your gut. "Do you not want Dave to come?"

"No..."

"Then why are you upset?"

Sollux stuffs a massive spoonful of Cheerios into his mouth. A tiny line of milk runs down from his lip. He speaks with a mouthful of cereal. "Dave isth weird."

You can't help but smile. "Yeah? How so?"

"He looksth funny. And he wearsth weird glassthesth."

Even though you want to laugh at your son's words, you also know that you want Sollux to at least have a shred of manners in his system. "Don't be rude about people's glasses." You say. When he shrinks down with guilt, you continue. "But he is weird."

Birds chirp through the window, and you can distantly hear the sound of kids playing. The clock on the wall rhythmically ticks as spoons clink against bowls. Sollux eats with enough vigor to match that of an average seven year old. "Dad?"

The silence is gone. You look up from your emptying bowl of cereal. "What is it?"

"Are people gonna sthay sthtuff at the moviesth?"

A breath goes through your nose.

"...I don't know, buddy." Your chair scrapes as you move to stand. Warm water cascades from your small silver faucet at the sink. "People are going to say rude things all the time. And you can't really stop them from doing it." 

"Why can't we arrestht all the mean people?"

"Because mean people are in charge of arresting." You don't know how to go about this. Are you doing a good job? Are you answering Sollux's questions correctly? Sollux's bowl only has a few circle pieces of Cheerios left. You pick up the bowl for him. "And mean people are in charge of those people, and mean people are in charge of _those_ people." It goes into the sink with its brother. 

You let Sollux leave his empty cup in the sink, next to the bowls and spoons. You'll ask him if he wants to rinse the dishes when they have to be done, because he doesn't like feeling the food bits while washing them. "Why are you wondering about people being mean to you?"

"Becausthe Dave'sth coming." A small pause, and you feel fingers grasp your jeans. "And, and- attract only worksth on opposthite gender Pokemon, stho. Stho- if we go to the moviesth with Dave, people'll remember attract only worksth on the opposthite gender, and will be rude."

Why did you have to live in Texas?

You move away from the kitchen, and Sollux follows, picking up his stuffed animal along the way. Your phone rests on the couch, and a single VHS box lays on the floor. "I'll tell Dave to not be weird, okay?" He's staring at you. You bend down, bones cracking, and pick up the VHS box. A colorful depicting of a Pokemon battle is plastered on it. "And if you ever feel like someone's being rude, tell me, okay?" The VHS pops from the duo DVD and VHS player. You slip it into the box. With the box in one hand, you turn, and bend down onto your knees. You wrap Sollux up in a hug, and you feel little arms loop around your neck, his nose nuzzling the crook of your shoulder. "I love you."

His response is muffled. "I love you too."

God, you hope you're doing a good job right now.

* * *

Five rolls around faster than you'd like to admit. You keep Sollux occupied with his video games for most of the day, while you search up Dave on a whim. While he blabbers on and on about nuzlockes and gym leaders, you figure out that Strider has a reputation. He's some famous DJ in the buttfuck middle of the downtown area, in some club with a stupid name you don't even want to think about. He's a good rating there too- they consider him their best. He's also got his own webcomic, which you're completely fucking incredulous over. You go on his site and-

Oh _God._

You go out of that MSPaint abomination as fast as you can. 

Sollux brings his toys out at one point and asks if you can play with him, and he gives you a long explanation of how battle mechanics work while he bashes his plastic dinosaur toy against your McDonald's Happy Meal Shrek toy. You make a shitty recreation of grilled cheese and tomato soup for lunch, and you have to remind Sollux to wipe up his spills. His manic episode calms down into relative normalcy by the time it his four thirty, thank Christ, and you help him pack his backpack with his stuffed animals and Game Boy Advance when you feel a buzz from the couch.

It's Dave.

_DAVE: i got the carriage all set_

_DAVE: ready to go to the ball_

_KARKAT: ARE YOU ACTUALLY OBSESSED WITH THINKING I'M A FAIRYTALE DISNEY CHARACTER, OR ARE YOU TOO STUPID TO THINK OF ANOTHER SUBJECT TO COMPARE ME TO?_

_DAVE: calm down cinderella im on my way_

_DAVE: so are we getting dinner on the way there or_

_KARKAT: YEAH. WE ARE. DON'T MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF AT THIS RESTAURANT AND HURRY YOUR FLAT ASS OVER HERE._

_DAVE: on it_ _chief_

You get Sollux's car seat out of your vehicle by the time Dave shows up. He's got this ironically white looking minivan, silvery in color, and he rolls down tilted windows when he parks in your shitty excuse of a driveway. He has his signature stupid looking aviator shades, blonde hair styled to look like a strangled dead bird, and his face is impassively normal on his pale-olive face.

How can someone be both pale and olive? You don't know.

"Yo." You flings you a peace sign. Sollux immediately hides behind your legs. Your resting shit face becomes shittier. "Didn't know you lived in a trailer park, KK. You got a wicked ass pad over here."

"Get out of the goddamn car." 

He complies, sliding out of the driver's seat in a way that was probably cool in his eyes, but utterly lame in yours. His eyes drift over to Sollux, and a smile tugs at his lips. "What up, Soldude."

".......Hi."

Dave pulls open the sliding back door, and you hook the car seat into the van. You can feel Dave's stare behind his glasses. He's tapping at the pavement with his foot. He's talking about something, but you honestly don't care. This is for Sollux, you remind yourself. This is for Sollux.

"--I was thinking like, hey, maybe Rose was right there and that article on that magazine was right about my hips. I don't know though, I feel like I have hips that look like birthing hips or something. Do you see any guys with birthing hips at the hospital--"

You lift your son into his seat, and glare at the other man. _"Shh."_ You snarl. "Shut up. I don't care."

Sollux giggles. Dave's face continues to stay impassive and bored. 

"Stheatbelt." Your son reminds you, and you nod. You tug the straps to show him he's safe. "You have to put your stheatbelt on, Dave. It'sth sthafe."

"You got it dude." He gives you a look, something between confusion and endearment. You roll your eyes and motion for him to drive.

He drives.

The drive is silent, aside from Sollux playing on his handheld. You tell him where to turn and what highway to pull into, and he follows your direction, occasionally turning his head to the side to glance at you. "So, uh." His fingers tap on the steering wheel. "Where are we going?"

"Red Robin." His eyebrows raise. "What, is that not romantic enough for you?"

"Aw shit, nah. It's just expensive for me."

"It's expensive for me, too." You grumble.

Dave pulls into the parking lot, putting the car into park while you flick through your wallet. Sollux is already attempting to unhook himself from all his straps. You help him, because you already know how he tends to snag himself on the straps, and you don't want to deal with a crying Sollux right about now. Dave is right behind you, tapping away wildly at his phone. "Do you always text so ff-" Pause. Contain yourself, Karkat. "fudging loud?" You put Sollux's Game Boy in his backpack, and let him take in his Charizard. You begin your trek across the parking lot.

"My tiny baby thumbs can do nothing more than make a chorus of taps." Dave looks at you, and you can see he's smirking, just the tiniest bit at his lips. Sollux runs ahead to yank open the double doors. "It came when I became musically enlightened. That's just the Strider way--"

"Good to know you're slapping your thumbs loudly on that club's shitty drug encrusted soundboard." Sollux is too far ahead to hear you, thankfully.

Dave perks. "Woah, how'd you know I worked at a club?"

You shrug your wide shoulders. You speak gruffly. "Just a hunch."

Just like the naming suggests, Red Robin is... red. Red seats, red tables, red menus and red cups. The logo is plastered on the walls with a bunch of black and white images of happy customers behind it, and the sound of subdued chatter and football games fill your ears. Sollux's excitement dissipates as fast as it came, and he quickly runs back to hide behind you. You place your hand on his head and ruffle his hair to try and calm him down. You know how he is in public spaces, that's why you let him bring his stuffed animal.

Sollux tells the waitress, in a teeny tiny voice, that he wants a table with a booth. One of the round ones in the corner. He bolts into the leather seat the second said waitress brings them to one. You thank her, let Sollux get a Coke, and get your own Cherry Coke. Dave gets apple juice. You raise an eyebrow at him, and he doesn't say anything.

"I like your shirt." He says, pointing at the album cover that's plastered on your chest. "Oingo Boingo is sweet. Too bad people know Elfman for doing other shit than running that band." 

You're surprised. "I don't see you the type to like ska."

"Oh, I like all kinds of music. Ska, pop, alternative. Hell, I even like country."

Beside you, Sollux scrunches his nose. "Country sthoundsth awful!" Dave turns to you, dramatically gasping, and you can help but smirk. "I don't know, country music is just white people complaining about things."

"That's just _popular_ country. Pop country." The drinks arrive, and while Sollux immediately begins to guzzle down his drink, Dave simply takes a sip of his. "You won't know real country until you try it out, Vantas."

"I'm perfectly fine with being ignorant when it comes to country music."

"Wow, you're not even a real Texan at this point, Karkat. Where's your cowboy hat? Your boots? I don't see you spouting y'all everywhere. For shame."

"I was in Michigan for six years studying, Dave."

Sollux pipes up. "I'm from Michigan!" while he colors on his paper kids menu. He's drawing a Pokemon battle, except it looks more like scribbles than actual monsters. Dave lets out another ironic gasp. 

"Well I'll be." He speaks in a thick, obviously fake southern accent. It makes Sollux laugh. "If y'all gonna be living on good ol' fashioned, hard wokin' Texas soil, y'all gonna have to talk like one! _Shewwwwt."_

He doesn't notice that you're smiling.

* * *

The moon is hanging high in the air, streetlamps flickering, the parking lot of the movie theater artificially brightened. You have a half filled popcorn bucket in one hand, and two stuffed animals in the other. Dave's got a large soda in his. Though it was your idea to see two movies, you hadn't realized the real ramifications of it- Sollux looks about dead, his eyes drooping and glasses hanging perpetually inches from his nose. It's a miracle you've got him out of his seat with minimal complaints. 

"That's a real cool part of the movie." Dave's speaking to Sollux, and you swear he's sharing your son's enthusiasm genuinely. "I didn't know Ditto could turn into humans instead of Pokemon." 

"They can turn into both!" Sollux yawns, but he's grinning ear to ear. "In one of the episthodesth of the cartoon, he turnsth into inanimate objectsth! And they had to put shadesth on the humansth in the movie causthe he sthtill had Ditto eyesth."

"Really?" You approach the van. "Who's to say I'm not a Ditto right now? I might transform into your Dad."

"No!!" Sollux squeals, and squeals harder when you slip around the back of the van and scoop him up. "What, you can't handle two Dads?" You say. Sollux squirms and laughs, before eventually resigning to his fate of being held. He snatches his stuffed animals and holds onto them tightly. Thankfully, he doesn't throw a huge fuss when you buckle him in, even if he tells you to strap the seat belt in super tight.

You don't talk until you're on the highway. You're certain Sollux has fallen asleep- and a quick check behind you confirms it. Your fingers play with themselves. "Hey."

Dave slides into the passing lane. "Yeah?"

"Thanks for keeping him entertained."

Dave glances to the side, and you can see a glimpse of bright red pupils. "Kinda easy to do it when I'm entertained too, y'know."

You look out the window, watching trees pass by. "You make me feel old as shit." A snort leaves your nose as he lets out a curious hum. He's tapping his fingers on the steering wheel again. You stand to make your statement more believable, or at least believable enough to silence that hum of his. "You just... _get_ all the kid shit he's into, y'know? I try to understand, yeah, but I just feel like some middle aged alcoholic when I'm supposed to be twenty four."

"Young people with children tend to get that way." There's a sort of solemness in his voice when he says that, like Dave's remembering something, and doesn't want to press it. You don't. You simply sigh and watch as the trees and grass move under the moon.

He pulls out of the highway. There's only a few cars on the road by now. "How'd you even get him?"

You jump.

"Wh- _What?"_

Dave's looking at you, glancing every few moments so he can keep his eyes on the road. "How'd someone like you get a kid?" Dave shrugs. He's wearing some tee that's too big for him. "No offense, Karkat, but you never struck me as being the fatherly type."

You splutter. "I-" Should you tell him? You feel like this is information you should keep to yourself, locked behind seven doors, each with multiple passwords. You scowl, and even though you know he's just curious, you growl.

"It's none of your fucking business." 

Dave sucks in a breath, nods, and he's silent for the rest of the trip.

Sollux is dead asleep when you arrive back at your trailer. He doesn't even stir when you lift him up into your arms, slinging his small backback over your shoulder and taking the popcorn bucket in a free hand. Dave is kind enough to unhook the car seat and set it on the minuscule porch, and he buffers there, leaving you to stand in the doorway with a sleeping child on your hip.

"I." He pauses, and you can actually see him grimace in awkwardness. "Uh."

"Spit it out. I have a kid I need to put into bed."

"It. Was nice seeing you again." 

He stares at you, looking for an answer. 

"It was nice seeing you too."

You close the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ones much longer, but we're not done yet!
> 
> if you have fanart or anything else you made for this fic, please show me!!! id be very flattered and honored that you bothered to make something for it!!!
> 
> comments keep me motivated to continue this fic, so please leave something if you want to! even if its small, it helps a whole lot, and makes me more excited to write for this!
> 
> my twitter is @rawrlux!
> 
> if you want to know what karkats shirt was, here it is!
> 
> https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/82/Nothing_To_Fear_Album_Cover.jpg

**Author's Note:**

> comments and criticism is always appreciated!!! thank you <3
> 
> more chapters to be added!


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